me & my wife couple therapy was stopped by the therapists when I started developing physical health issues: pending ear surgery, leg surgery, etc. They seemed to be focused on the fact I was getting ill but didn't get into any detail. And then I read this. Is there connection between therapy and physical health? Do modern therapy models believe in connection between mental and physical health. I.e. would they think that abused partner will develop physical illness? If yes, how come?
I believe that therapists are overly focussed on mental health, while traditional doctors focus on physical health, which gives them a certain 'tunnel vision'. This makes sense, as the demands of studying and working in these fields are high enough.
The frustrating thing, however, is that there is little communication between these fields. Mind-body therapy is left to the patient to pursue, or some hybrid and unqualified doctor needs to be pursued. Many don't help much.
My take is that no doctor can help with mind-body healing DIRECTLY, as you need to intuit and feel your way into what you need. That is, only YOU know what you need. Therapists and physical doctors are there to help you with their respective sides, but you still need to be active in the process.
I find many people consult a traditional doctor and take their word for it, without pursuing a second opinion or even more holistic forms of healing. They neglect their health completely and just take whatever medications they are told to. In many cases, traditional doctors are indispensable, and can even save your life. However, just recently, I saw someone who took medication blindly based on what their doctor told them, developed stomach ulcers, and then was told by the doctor at the hospital that he should not have taken those meds!
I've meandered, I know, but the point I want to make is that your health is something you also need to take responsibility for by being the 'bridge' between your mind and body.
As for you getting sick during therapy, I wonder if rousing repressed emotions caused your symptoms? I've experienced psychosomatic symptoms during my healing work such as a 48-hour flu, muscle pains and injuries, and other issues. However, obviously your case could have been coincidence. I'm not qualified to speak on that.
In any case, you have such a wide modality of healing methods available to you, many of which I write about often: Yoga, yoga nidra, breathwork, ecstatic dance, chakra meditations, box breathing, ice baths and so on. Exploring these and using your body for feedback will help you create a wellness program which works for you. Mine is constantly evolving. Someone might swear by ice baths, for example, but you find that ice baths only give you anxiety and may not be for you. So it makes sense to put aside the idea of 'what's right' and instead focus on 'what's right for you'.
A Greek Tragedy indeed. This is so good JH! Selfless victim or partner in crime? The spouse identifies with both! And it makes sense that shame, a disowned child part, and an inability to face and heal from their own trauma would keep someone in what amounts to an abusive marriage. I think too, there is an erosion of selfhood that happens. Like literally the spouse no longer knows who they are, what they believe in, or what they like and don’t like after years of being manipulated and gaslit. But one has to also wonder how much a sense of “self” was there to begin with.
It’s interesting because people usually seek healing because they feel pain that they can no longer bear. But if you are in denial about your pain, then you keep running. And blaming others. And passing down the trauma.
I love how you describe the spouse taking the throne next to the their shadow king. It’s so eerily perfect.
Wow, thank you for adding these two insightful points, Claire. A total dissolution of a sense of self is absolutely another factor in this dynamic. "Who am I outside of this?" That would induce enough terror in many people to make them stay.
And then there is the lack of awareness of the pain itself. I'd have to say you are right. The level of denial and coping I see in such situations never ceases to amaze me. But then again, I see the elaborate systems of 'relief' that they have created, and it makes some sense.
me & my wife couple therapy was stopped by the therapists when I started developing physical health issues: pending ear surgery, leg surgery, etc. They seemed to be focused on the fact I was getting ill but didn't get into any detail. And then I read this. Is there connection between therapy and physical health? Do modern therapy models believe in connection between mental and physical health. I.e. would they think that abused partner will develop physical illness? If yes, how come?
I believe that therapists are overly focussed on mental health, while traditional doctors focus on physical health, which gives them a certain 'tunnel vision'. This makes sense, as the demands of studying and working in these fields are high enough.
The frustrating thing, however, is that there is little communication between these fields. Mind-body therapy is left to the patient to pursue, or some hybrid and unqualified doctor needs to be pursued. Many don't help much.
My take is that no doctor can help with mind-body healing DIRECTLY, as you need to intuit and feel your way into what you need. That is, only YOU know what you need. Therapists and physical doctors are there to help you with their respective sides, but you still need to be active in the process.
I find many people consult a traditional doctor and take their word for it, without pursuing a second opinion or even more holistic forms of healing. They neglect their health completely and just take whatever medications they are told to. In many cases, traditional doctors are indispensable, and can even save your life. However, just recently, I saw someone who took medication blindly based on what their doctor told them, developed stomach ulcers, and then was told by the doctor at the hospital that he should not have taken those meds!
I've meandered, I know, but the point I want to make is that your health is something you also need to take responsibility for by being the 'bridge' between your mind and body.
As for you getting sick during therapy, I wonder if rousing repressed emotions caused your symptoms? I've experienced psychosomatic symptoms during my healing work such as a 48-hour flu, muscle pains and injuries, and other issues. However, obviously your case could have been coincidence. I'm not qualified to speak on that.
In any case, you have such a wide modality of healing methods available to you, many of which I write about often: Yoga, yoga nidra, breathwork, ecstatic dance, chakra meditations, box breathing, ice baths and so on. Exploring these and using your body for feedback will help you create a wellness program which works for you. Mine is constantly evolving. Someone might swear by ice baths, for example, but you find that ice baths only give you anxiety and may not be for you. So it makes sense to put aside the idea of 'what's right' and instead focus on 'what's right for you'.
Hope that helps!
A Greek Tragedy indeed. This is so good JH! Selfless victim or partner in crime? The spouse identifies with both! And it makes sense that shame, a disowned child part, and an inability to face and heal from their own trauma would keep someone in what amounts to an abusive marriage. I think too, there is an erosion of selfhood that happens. Like literally the spouse no longer knows who they are, what they believe in, or what they like and don’t like after years of being manipulated and gaslit. But one has to also wonder how much a sense of “self” was there to begin with.
It’s interesting because people usually seek healing because they feel pain that they can no longer bear. But if you are in denial about your pain, then you keep running. And blaming others. And passing down the trauma.
I love how you describe the spouse taking the throne next to the their shadow king. It’s so eerily perfect.
Wow, thank you for adding these two insightful points, Claire. A total dissolution of a sense of self is absolutely another factor in this dynamic. "Who am I outside of this?" That would induce enough terror in many people to make them stay.
And then there is the lack of awareness of the pain itself. I'd have to say you are right. The level of denial and coping I see in such situations never ceases to amaze me. But then again, I see the elaborate systems of 'relief' that they have created, and it makes some sense.
It’s both for sure. Denial and relief. The pain had to go somewhere.