If you have not read up on the narcissistic family yet, my article detailing the roles and dynamics can be found here. I recommend you check it out before moving on to this article.
Quite literally the roadmap to intergenerational trauma. How do we break it? Therapy. Recovery. Education. And perhaps marrying someone who does not have this family dynamic and can open your eyes to how sick it is. Although, this choice creates its own set of problems (I married into an NPD family -it's hell on your marriage). This is such a good breakdown of how these dysfunctional patterns get passed own. Thank you!
As you have experience with an NPD family from the outside, I imagine you understand intimately how hard it is to break the pattern, as most family members have zero intention of facing the truth or doing any of the work. It is only the select few who slip through the cracks and out into the light.
But I am with you on this. It is the responsibility of the enlightened few to lead through example and through their very being. Being attached to outcome is a recipe for frustration, however. Change comes VERY slowly, if at all. But I like to think that the impact is felt, and will have a ripple effect on the next generation:)
Ouf that’s so hard to read. It does come slowly, if at all, and it’s two steps forward, one step back. The only person you will likely have a shot at influencing is your spouse. From my personal experience, the rest of the family joins forces against the perceived outsider. What’s maddening is that projection and projective identification are not conscious processes, but they inflict harm. Meaning it’s hard to prove what is going on. I will say that having a child opened my husband’s eyes to his family’s behavior and solidified his desire to do it differently and be a cycle breaker. When his parents treat him a certain way, I ask him if he would ever treat our child that way. When he says no, I ask him why he thinks it’s ok for his parents to treat him that way. Where there used to be cognitive dissonance, the lightbulb now goes off.
I hope awareness of this dynamic supports people in gaining a greater perspective, and informs their recovery and transformation. Each person would need to decide how it will impact their decisions moving forward.
It also spreads around blaming the lack of good mother love as the original cause which gives me more hope to find way out. Thanks for your great insights.
Another FASCINATING article and SO informative. It confirms so much of what I have observed (growing up) of different families, especially regarding second children. Thank you!
Quite literally the roadmap to intergenerational trauma. How do we break it? Therapy. Recovery. Education. And perhaps marrying someone who does not have this family dynamic and can open your eyes to how sick it is. Although, this choice creates its own set of problems (I married into an NPD family -it's hell on your marriage). This is such a good breakdown of how these dysfunctional patterns get passed own. Thank you!
As you have experience with an NPD family from the outside, I imagine you understand intimately how hard it is to break the pattern, as most family members have zero intention of facing the truth or doing any of the work. It is only the select few who slip through the cracks and out into the light.
But I am with you on this. It is the responsibility of the enlightened few to lead through example and through their very being. Being attached to outcome is a recipe for frustration, however. Change comes VERY slowly, if at all. But I like to think that the impact is felt, and will have a ripple effect on the next generation:)
Ouf that’s so hard to read. It does come slowly, if at all, and it’s two steps forward, one step back. The only person you will likely have a shot at influencing is your spouse. From my personal experience, the rest of the family joins forces against the perceived outsider. What’s maddening is that projection and projective identification are not conscious processes, but they inflict harm. Meaning it’s hard to prove what is going on. I will say that having a child opened my husband’s eyes to his family’s behavior and solidified his desire to do it differently and be a cycle breaker. When his parents treat him a certain way, I ask him if he would ever treat our child that way. When he says no, I ask him why he thinks it’s ok for his parents to treat him that way. Where there used to be cognitive dissonance, the lightbulb now goes off.
It’s good to have this dynamic spelled out as it shows how pervasive it is. How to process and move on?
I hope awareness of this dynamic supports people in gaining a greater perspective, and informs their recovery and transformation. Each person would need to decide how it will impact their decisions moving forward.
It also spreads around blaming the lack of good mother love as the original cause which gives me more hope to find way out. Thanks for your great insights.
Another FASCINATING article and SO informative. It confirms so much of what I have observed (growing up) of different families, especially regarding second children. Thank you!