Overcoming The Dark Depression Of Narcissistic Abuse
Depression is a healing tonic which restores the Self to a point of equilibrium. Remember that while in the narcissistic relationship, you were identified with a grandiose construct, i.e. the false Self of the narcissist. Your old identity was peeled away, and you were reprogrammed with a new, submissive identity according to the narcissist’s tastes. This false identity is now crumbling, and your ego is undergoing a process of grief. That is the depression you are feeling.
Your ego drew a sense of purpose from the narcissist, and it wants that purpose back. It does not care what kind of identity you have; only that you should have one. It does not realise that you can rebuild yourself in a more actualised, empowered way.
Before you can do that, however, you must grieve. Ideally, you want to direct all of your awareness and focus into the depression, to expand your consciousness and accept the depression in all of its intensity. However, that might be too overwhelming initially. Instead, take time each day to sit in an upright position and simply direct your consciousness toward the feeling of depression for as long as you can tolerate. Note its intensity. Where in the body does it manifest? In the chest? In your stomach? In your throat? Let your face droop, let your body soften, let yourself be as sad and depressed and miserable as needed. Go with the flow. Do not think about it or analyse it, simply observe it and allow it to happen. This is how you enable the grieving process to complete itself — with your loving presence and patience. Just when you think it will never end, it will begin to transform.
But that could be days, weeks or months away. For now, simply take time out each day to do this practice. When you become overwhelmed, and surely you will at the beginning, change up and do something that brings you relaxation and joy. Take a bath, spend time with a good friend, watch your favourite TV show, go for a walk, do exercise. When you are sufficiently filled, go back into the dark and sit there i.e. be conscious with it. Pendulate between the darkness and the light. You can be sure that when the work is done, the sun will shine again, and the darkness will recede into the depths of your being.
Then your spiritual growth can begin.
Browse more of my articles:
Narcissistic Relationships | Knowing The Narcissist | Abuse Recovery | The Narcissistic Family| Exploring Narcissism | Borderline & Histrionic
Check out my Books on Narcissistic Abuse. You can also Buy Me A Coffee to support my writing.