After the initial high of the ‘light-bulb’ moment passes, when you have awoken to the truth and created distance from the narcissist, a heaviness might come over you, threatening to pull you down into a terrifying abyss.
Wait.. sit in misery or take a bath? Which is it? Sorry, I think you’re spot on in identifying problems but the solutions are to suffer until it gets better. That’s some weak advice. One must take action.
With the grieving aspect, the idea I'm espousing is to create space for the grieving to process to play out. Releasing can take a toll on the body, and can at times be unbearable. So I suggest a kind of 'pendulation' between confrontation and distraction/rest.
The act of being present andn allowing your emotions to come up is all the action you can take when it comes to this aspect of narcissistic abuse recovery.
Yeah, I’d definitely like to challenge you on this, respectfully. Recovery is change inside the victim but also outside, in their external actions. “Sitting with” the pain is essential, but in my opinion, only for a temporary spell. You see, the victim sat with the pain throughout the abuse… asking for further tolerance or acceptance of what’s been tolerated for too long already is a big ask. Empowerment needs to be added to acceptance in a greater measure immediately. Narcissism empowers almost infinitely. Healing must immediately include regaining power, or the cycle continues. What do you think?
I've written countless articles and two books on doing exactly that. Pursuing personal power through building self-esteem and learning to channel your anger toward setting boundaries are just some of the assertive actions you can take which I've documented elsewhere.
The scope of this article is the grief aspect. In a narcissistic relationship, you are being constantly shamed, manipulated, controlled and driven to confusion and madness. You lost your time, your energy, your money, your sanity, and your happiness during this time. You need to grieve. It's not fun by any measure.
I think what you're getting at here is that before you can grieve, and undergo more pain, you need to regain a semblance of control and have a feeling of 'taking the wheel' back. Am I right?
I just started reading you today, so please forgive my gaps in knowledge of what you’ve written. I’m going to keep reading you.
To your question: I don’t know where control and grieving fit together. I know that separation from a narcissist demands one find power sources of one’s own. I’m muddling through it personally so I can’t offer true advice to anyone.
If you're going through it, then your voice definitely counts. If this mini-discussion/debate reveals anything, it's that the first thing you might need is to first establish sources of agency and control. Feeling helpless in the face of grief so soon after the abuse might be the last thing you want to deal with. I would not argue against that.
Grieving is such a complex topic. Nobody can speak on your own process, because it is unique to you. The only thing that I believe can be said with certainty, is that you must confront it at some point. How you do that, and what form it takes, depends on you and your needs.
Wait.. sit in misery or take a bath? Which is it? Sorry, I think you’re spot on in identifying problems but the solutions are to suffer until it gets better. That’s some weak advice. One must take action.
Hi Morgan,
Thanks for the feedback.
With the grieving aspect, the idea I'm espousing is to create space for the grieving to process to play out. Releasing can take a toll on the body, and can at times be unbearable. So I suggest a kind of 'pendulation' between confrontation and distraction/rest.
The act of being present andn allowing your emotions to come up is all the action you can take when it comes to this aspect of narcissistic abuse recovery.
I'm open to being challenged further on this.
Thanks again.
Yeah, I’d definitely like to challenge you on this, respectfully. Recovery is change inside the victim but also outside, in their external actions. “Sitting with” the pain is essential, but in my opinion, only for a temporary spell. You see, the victim sat with the pain throughout the abuse… asking for further tolerance or acceptance of what’s been tolerated for too long already is a big ask. Empowerment needs to be added to acceptance in a greater measure immediately. Narcissism empowers almost infinitely. Healing must immediately include regaining power, or the cycle continues. What do you think?
I absolutely agree.
I've written countless articles and two books on doing exactly that. Pursuing personal power through building self-esteem and learning to channel your anger toward setting boundaries are just some of the assertive actions you can take which I've documented elsewhere.
The scope of this article is the grief aspect. In a narcissistic relationship, you are being constantly shamed, manipulated, controlled and driven to confusion and madness. You lost your time, your energy, your money, your sanity, and your happiness during this time. You need to grieve. It's not fun by any measure.
I think what you're getting at here is that before you can grieve, and undergo more pain, you need to regain a semblance of control and have a feeling of 'taking the wheel' back. Am I right?
I just started reading you today, so please forgive my gaps in knowledge of what you’ve written. I’m going to keep reading you.
To your question: I don’t know where control and grieving fit together. I know that separation from a narcissist demands one find power sources of one’s own. I’m muddling through it personally so I can’t offer true advice to anyone.
No problem, Morgan.
If you're going through it, then your voice definitely counts. If this mini-discussion/debate reveals anything, it's that the first thing you might need is to first establish sources of agency and control. Feeling helpless in the face of grief so soon after the abuse might be the last thing you want to deal with. I would not argue against that.
Grieving is such a complex topic. Nobody can speak on your own process, because it is unique to you. The only thing that I believe can be said with certainty, is that you must confront it at some point. How you do that, and what form it takes, depends on you and your needs.