Why A Narcissist Has Committed To Others — But Not You

A narcissist commits to one thing in life, and that is the pursuit of narcissistic supply. If you submit fully to the narcissist with no strings attached, providing attention, service, sex, adulation, mirroring and selfless cooperation, then you will be in their good favour.

Yet no strings attached is the key to this arrangement. If you frustrate the narcissist with your needs or demands, then they will pull away and invest in someone more useful. You must be wholly subservient to their need for narcissistic supply. Everything else is secondary, including you.

There is one minor exception. If it ensures ongoing narcissistic supply for the narcissist, then they will reluctantly ‘compromise’ to give you what you need — yet with harsh limits.

They Love Me, They Love Me Not

During the initial idealisation phase, the narcissist is wholly available and eager to get to know you. This quickly wanes, however. The narcissist may continue to make some effort, but never quite goes far enough for you to feel secure in the relationship. Above all, the narcissist never discusses the future with you. Commitment is a no-go zone.

Many people grow addicted to the narcissist’s fantasy world, as the narcissist provides just enough breadcrumbs of attention and ‘love’ to keep you hooked. When your demands get too high and your supply too low, the narcissist is out of there. You may sense this subliminally, and act with care not to rock the boat.

What eats at you most is that you know the narcissist has a long-term ex. Even worse, they talk about this person with a twinkle in their eyes. The great love which got away. The more they speak about their old flame, and the more you ruminate on it, the more the shame swells inside you, as a sense of inferiority takes hold.

Why not me? you say. I have given everything for the ‘relationship’. Mind, body, soul, even finances. I am perfect for them. Why will they not commit?