Lofty Dreams, Or Delusions Of Grandeur?

The Art Of Chasing Dreams The Right Way

Accomplished Artist. Entrepreneur. Freedom Creator. Body Transformation Specialist. These are some of the self-assigned labels which scroll by my feed on social media. Author. That’s the label I assigned myself since becoming a full-time writer eight years ago.

Every so often, someone asks me what I do. Each time, I take a sobering look at myself, hesitate, then respond “I’m an author”. Meanwhile, a wave of shame washes over me. Impostor, says the voice in my head. That’s what you are. Well, I respond calmly to that voice: I’ve written and published multiple books. I’ve published hundreds of articles. I earn a living from writing. I write every single day without exception, including Christmas Day. I’ve loved writing since I was 10 years old. Writing is deeply aligned with who I am, and the pain I carry. Why would I not call myself an author?

The voice usually falls quiet when I challenge it. But when I’m scrolling through social media, it pipes up again. Who does she think she is? This guy cannot be serious, can he? Countless people appear on my feed through sponsored posts, having paid for a split second of my attention to declare to me who they are. I see a bikini-clad woman in her sixties, declaring that she is a model. A part of me scoffs, and another part of me says: “Why not?”

I see a man selling his wisdom for business success, promising me a Lamborghini and house much like his. Charlatan, the voice in my head says. “Maybe budding entrepreneurs could benefit from knowledge and support”, the other part of me says.

This eventually raised the question within me: When is one’s ambition pure delusion, and when is it the lighthouse toward becoming who you were born to be?

The Incongruity Of Delusion

One of the ego’s most important functions is to test people for congruence. That cynical voice in our mind is contantly analysing, measuring and judging people to gather whether they are who they present themselves to be.

A five-year-old walks into his living room, donning a Captain America suit from head to toe. He is utterly consumed in his role, defending against imaginary laser beams and fighting his evil uncle who has set out to defeat Captain America.

It’s obvious to everyone in the room that this kid is not Captain America. But in his mind, he most certainly is. And yet, the essence of his delusion would be a tragedy to kill. His grandeur, his capacity to imagine himself to be more than he is, will be what allows him to step out of that house and develop his potential, even when that won’t end up being Captain America.

A bikini-clad model in her sixties may irk people the wrong way. Act your age, many may think or say. But why can this person not invite others to celebrate in her beauty?

No matter how certain you are in your grandeur, if the world does not accept it, and if reality does not reflect it, then you are living in delusion. The five-year-old Captain America did find a willing play partner, and that was sufficient in and of itself. He likely knew he was not Captain America, but he loved to play, and understood on a subliminal level that such play allowed him to channel his potential for power and growth. By aiming for the highest point, he ensures that he begins his ascent toward becoming.

In the case of an older woman aspiring to be a model, she may find her audience. She may help those struggling with their body image. Her grandeur states loudly: Why do older people need to hide and stop taking care of their bodies? By smashing through social norms, this woman sends the clear message that true beauty does not age.

Or perhaps she is covering up for something?

Divine Light Vs Dark Projection

The Law of Attraction states that if you imagine something thoroughly, and convince yourself that it will happen, then you will manifest it.

I believe that all people who dream big must undergo a period of delusion of grandeur until reality can create the space to accommodate them. I also believe that some people have completely lost connection with reality, and will never become congruent, for the simple reason that they are lying to themselves. Rather than chasing after something, they are running from something inside them that hurts.

Yet therein lies an enormous opportunity. Our pain can be a great teacher, especially when it comes to our delusions. Delusion can be pain relief. Looking toward a bright future with optimism, and believing that we are more, can help us cope. But it is also exhausting trying to outrun our pain.

Before I settled into my groove as a writer, I had just broken my pattern of narcissistic relationships and was in the infant stage of discovering my True Self. My instinct was coming through strong now, but I was having trouble deciphering it. So I went through a one-year experimental phase, taking a few hours each day to simply be creative and see where it led.

I went back in time, and recalled my teenage obsession with rap music. And with that, I found myself writing rap lyrics. My passion for rap was overflowing, having been repressed for two decades. Over the months, I produced a body of work, and decided I wanted to perform them on the street. Without hesitation, I purchased a microphone and speaker, and did my first gig. And then… My bubble burst. I bombed.

I went home, and thought hard about the entire experience, and swallowed a difficult pill. My rap endeavour was a delusion of grandeur. I was too old, and had no connection to the scene. I just knew that I wanted to be heard.

And that was it. Looking back further than my teenage years, it dawned on me. My deep hunger to rap was stemming from my core wound of not being heard or seen in my family. And with that, I dropped my delusions and became congruent for the first time. I was a man who had not yet been fully seen or heard, and who yearned to find a platform to express himself authentically.

And so, I had all I needed to dial things down and find my true calling.

Finding Harmony With Our Dreams

During my experimental creative phase, I had also been writing short stories and articles. Immediately after my short-lived rap career, I decided to get serious about writing. I also opted to focus on themes and topics which resonated with my authentic self. And then I got to work.

But if I had told someone that I was an author, it would have been a duplicitous statement. Writing began as something I wanted to do, before becoming something I did every day, and now has become who I am. I live to write. And yet a tiny part of me remains cynical and sceptical. Perhaps that is healthy, as it keeps me humble, and reminds me that I need to remain aligned as I go about writing to ensure that my work is authentic.

For anyone with delusions of grandeur, perhaps the question you should ask is: Why are you pursuing this? Is it because it resonates with your True Self, or because you are trying to compensate for a core wound? If you are compensating for a core wound, is this the best way to heal? For example, having never been seen or heard hurts, and a hunger to be seen and heard is understandable. But how can you fill that need in a way that is sustainable, realistic and healthy?

And if you are not compensating for a core wound, ask yourself: Does this feel congruent with who I am? If so, then perhaps that is what you should be pursuing. You will always find detractors, and it will always feel awkward, especially at the beginning. After all, every dream is delusional until it becomes a reality. And even if we aim for the heavens and only reach the sky, is that not a success in and of itself?