Dating A Bunny Rabbit: The Age Of The Histrionic
Modern dating is rough. From getting caught in the dopamine trap of dating apps, to competing with thousands of people sliding into your potential lover’s DMs on social media, there is a lot of reason to despair.
With dating apps, people are reduced to being a sexual ‘offering’ among an endless stack of options. As a result, objectification is rampant. Women especially can have hundreds of matches. With unlimited choice, commitment becomes the least desirable option of all.
Narcissism is the 21st century’s new religion. Rather than collectively worshipping one God, or even paganistically worshipping a limited collection of gods, our society is set up for us to worship each other. Social media has created a scramble for narcissistic supremacy, with everyone encouraged to flout their ‘specialness’ by proving how well travelled, financially endowed and adored they are. Perhaps over time, narcissistic power will consolidate into a select pantheon of new pagan gods, with figures like Kim Kardashian and Donald Trump earning their spot. Yet for now, the narcissism epidemic is spreading, and the scramble is on for supremacy.
Less spoken about, is the histrionic epidemic which is emerging in this fast-changing landscape, fuelled by dating apps as well as social media apps such as Instagram. Flooded by endless options of potential lovers, a person no longer sees falling in love as worthwhile. Rather, they fall in love with the idea of themselves, i.e. their narcissistic self, and they also fall in love with the state of being desired.
Finding love leads to vulnerability, accountability, responsibility, and of course, potential heartbreak. When things get frustrating in a fledgling relationship, the mind tends to wander. Even if a person does not actively have a dating app profile, they may still receive private messages online. As the initial shine of their relationship fades and disappointment sets in, the dopamine hit of a new person paying them attention becomes more enticing. This leads many people to cheat, unable to resist the allure of a brand-new, adoring lover.
In other cases, a person may be driven to end the relationship, reassured by the endless options they imagine await them when they are newly single. They set up a dating app profile, and begin to post on their social media more often, flexing their narcissistic self with new outfits, travel shots and photos of them at social gatherings. Eventually, the curious admirers flood in, and the heartache of past relationships fades away.
Yet from within the hot, steamy fog of dopamine surrounding the person with endless dating options, a plague emerges.
Bunny Rabbits Everywhere
A histrionic wants to be desired by everyone at all times. They have little interest in vulnerability, let alone sex and love. The state of being desired is their one preoccupation.
The histrionic personality is a compensation strategy to deal with childhood trauma, where a child felt unwanted, unseen and unvalued. The agony and shame of this were so immense, the child dissociated into fantasy, and created an idealised version of themselves who would be wanted, seen and valued by everyone.
Is it then a surprise that such a person would be drawn towards the social media and online dating space? Here the histrionic has ample tools and opportunities to earn themselves admirers, as well as a wide reach. With online dating, you can connect with anyone in your city from your sofa, while crafting the perfect, sexy image using carefully-selected photos. Even when the histrionic is low on admirers, they can look to social media, which offers them admirers from all corners of the globe.
It is difficult to spot a histrionic in such a landscape. Narcissism is normalised in today’s society, and most people have at least multiple options, let alone an endless supply. A telltale sign of a histrionic is someone who pays you close attention, flooding you with warmth and care, but then suddenly withdraws when you reciprocate. Nothing frightens a histrionic more than intimacy and vulnerability. The more available and open you are, the quicker they feel repulsed by you, opting to skip over to the next person rather than be sucked into a commitment which challenges their hunger for endless admirers.
The histrionic is indeed a bunny rabbit, hopping from person to person, bathing in admiration for a short period before hopping away. Histrionics create a lot of confusion in the dating scene. Even when they hop away suddenly and cut off communication, they may hop back in the future to draw you back in, before skipping off again when you re-open to them.
It is a case of ‘easy come, easy go’ with a histrionic. At first, they seem like the most available, warm and loving people you have met. This makes their sudden disappearance the most jarring. The histrionic was never interested in you, they wanted your desire. They never wanted love or even sex, they wanted you to want them.
Histrionics are often attractive and sexual in their appearance, energy and words, yet are known to frustrate their admirers just before things heat up. For the histrionic, sexuality is a tool to string a person along — it is not a desire for sex. Sex, after all, creates intimacy, closeness and vulnerability. It is a gateway to commitment. The histrionic wants nothing to do with that.
Adding even further to the confusion is the histrionic’s kryptonite, their one weakness; emotionally-unavailable people. The histrionic may court someone who shows them love and openness, drop them suddenly and brutally, then give themselves over to someone who does not care for them. Emotional unavailability with a sprinkle of desire keeps the histrionic caught in their cycle, unable to reach the climax brought on when someone surrenders to them. The emotionally-unavailable person plays the histrionic at their own game. They express desire and warmth for short bursts, before pulling away suddenly. This kind of avoidant person frustrates the histrionic, and can keep them around for months, if not years. This raises the most fascinating question of all: What happens when two histrionics meet?
A person may carry a histrionic pathology from childhood, or they may have been corrupted by social media and online dating, or both. It therefore becomes crucial in this modern age to understand that bunny rabbits lurk all around us — wasting our precious time and resources, wanting no loyalty, no love or even sex, but rather simply desiring to be desired.
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